


Merely Improbable

by arrow (esteefee)



Category: due South
Genre: First Time, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-03
Updated: 2009-07-03
Packaged: 2017-10-02 10:25:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esteefee/pseuds/arrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>DUCKIES!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Merely Improbable

The ducks were really the last straw, Ray decided. The last straw in a mongo _road kill_ of straws, starting with performance arsonists and veering insanely into Russian spies older than his mother, and the ducks were the end of the line. If Ray had to deal with one more _impossible_ fucking thing, he was going to explode, guts and blood and disgusting lumps of brain matter messing up the place.

"Tell me about the ducks, Fraser."

Fraser looked surprised to be pinned to the sofa. Ray dug the heel of his palm a little harder into Fraser's chest and saw Fraser's eyes flick up to his forehead. Fraser had told him once he used the big vein there as a visual caliper test of his temper, and that he feared Ray would have a stroke before he hit forty.

"Yeah, I'm on the edge, buddy, and I'll tell you why." Ray knocked on Fraser's chest with his knuckles like something out of a monkey cage.

Fraser cleared his throat. "Why is that, Ray?"

"Because, Fraser, I've had it up to _here_ with all this crazy impossible shit. So do me a favor and just tell me how, in that big old herd of ducks—"

"Ah, Ray—"

"Okay, _pack_ of ducks—"

Fraser shook his head.

"Fucking _pluck_ of ducks, okay? Give me that much, Fraser. A pluck of ducks."

"Yes, Ray." Fraser grimaced like it hurt. "A pluck." Quick eyebrow rub. "Your question?"

"Yeah, okay. So here's this huge pluck of two hundred ducklings swarming around. How in the hell did you know, out of all those little ducks, which of them was the one that had swallowed the evidence? Huh?"

Fraser opened his mouth and looked to the side. He scratched his neck.

Ray thumped him on the chest again to get his attention. "I'm waiting, here."

Fraser flicked his eyebrow. "Well, Ray, when I observed the ducklings I noticed that one of them looked as if he almost certainly had an upset stomach."

Fraser's eyes suddenly widened in alarm, but Ray couldn't quite see him properly through the red haze that was distorting his vision.

"Ray! Your forehead!"

"I'm fine. I'm fine." Ray took a deep breath and the swirly stars began to fade. He was still leaning heavily on Fraser's chest, and Fraser looked a little red himself. "See, we have a situation here, Fraser—I can't take _one more_ impossible thing right now. Not one. So could you please—"

Okay, this was stupid. Trying to keep Fraser out of impossible shit was like trying to keep Augustus Gloop out of the chocolate river.

Ray put his knee between Fraser's legs and leaned closer, trying to impress on him the sheer _importance_ of his request. "How about you just try to stick to the improbable for a while, huh? Cut me some slack on the impossible."

Fraser's face was still red, and for some reason a little bead of sweat had escaped his hairline and was trickling down his temple.

"Well, Ray," Fraser sounded creaky, "How exactly will I know how you define each particular term?"

"Whuh?" He was a little distracted by how hot Fraser looked, all sweaty and crumpled underneath him.

"That is, what is improbable to you might be impossible to me, and _vice versa_."

"You want impossible?"

"Well—"

"Because _I_ think knowing a duck has swallowed a stolen ring just by taking a gander at its fuzzy little face is freakin' _impossible_, Fraser. Just what do _you_ consider impossible?"

Fraser looked dumbstruck for a second, and then this unholy light shone in his eyes. It was a little creepy-looking, and for a second Ray almost lost his 'I'm so bad Tommy Lee Jones has nightmares about me' pose.

And then Fraser answered him by reaching up, grabbing Ray's collar, and yanking him down to give him the hottest, sloppiest, nastiest kiss in history, ever.

Ray's spine turned to goo. Other parts took up the slack in the stiffness department. Fraser sucked hard on his tongue and then let him go to stare up at him challengingly.

When his brain had stopped leaking, Ray took a breath and grinned.

"Nope. Not impossible."

Fraser smiled.


End file.
